I Don't Give a Damn About You
by Catgirl Rahena
Summary: Chapter 7 Reloaded! When Matt get's dumped and thinks life's not worth living, someone helps him realise that it is. Contains Slash Yaoi Male x Male content and Attempted Suicide! Taito Complete
1. Once had a girl

I Don't Give A Damn About You

Chapter 1

  
  


Author's Note: This story will become Yaoi/Slash/Male x Male!! Don't read if you don't like that! Flames will be used to roast mangoes and hotdogs. Please R/R! Thankies! ^_^

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Rain poured down around me as I walked home to my apartment. My tears mixing with it as sobbed silently. My mind wandered to happy memories that I would never have a chance of having again. I pushed through the double doors into the apartment building returning to the dreary present. Rain dripped of my golden blond hair that was soaking wet, my green jacket almost black from it. I tromped upstairs hiding my tear filled blue eyes from the desk clerk. Finally I reached my door shoving my key in and turning the doorknob as I ripped the key out again and stepped inside. I fell face first onto the couch shoving my face into a pillow as I began to sob uncontrollably. 

My body shook as I completely broke down. How could she leave me so easily? We were together almost a year and out of the blue.... Does she even care? Will this even way on her conscience? Is she out partying even now like she usually does on Fridays?

I rolled over just letting the tears fall soaking the pillow. My dad was on another business trip for a couple more days so there would be no one here. I now officially hated 10th grade, it was an evil, horrible grade and was an awful year. How can I keep living? I feel like I've been put in a blender and then run over by a train. How can anything hurt so much? How can I love someone who would hurt me so much? 

"How could you do this to me!?" I yelled to the ceiling. I flung my arms around myself as I tried to choke down more racking sobs. I was shaking violently as I sat up heading towards the bathroom. Life isn't worth living anymore. I thought as I stumbled to the medicine cabinet. I pulled out a bottle labeled Advil. A warning stood out in bright red on the back as I popped open the bottle. "Warning: Do not take more than two every four hours. If you consume more than two in please contact poison control." 

I downed the whole bottle in one swallow as I stumble back to the couch. Then I thought how no one knew what had happened and picked up the phone deciding to give one last goodbye to my closest friend. I picked up the phone on the coffee table in front of the couch. I punched in the one number that I had memorized besides my girlfriends. I heard the ring as I began to feel a little queasy. 

"Hello. This is the Kamiya residence. May I ask who's speaking?" His mom's familiar voice rang in my ears as I choked out a reply. "This is Matt."

"Oh, Hi Matt. I'll get Tai for you." She said in a cheery voice. I heard her call him over telling him I was on the phone.

"Hey Man. How are you?" He said just like normal.

"Tai...?"I almost whispered into the phone my voice cracking as I did so.

"Matt?"

"Tai...She dumped me." I cracked out as was racked by several more sobs. I suddenly felt so weak and my vision seemed a little blurry. 

"Oh, Man. Do you need me to come over? Are you gonna be okay?" He said sympathetically. 

"I...I don't feel so well." I said as my head felt light and I began feeling very dizzy.

"Matt..Matt?" Tai said his voice slightly higher as he became more worried, "Matt are you drunk?"

"I...I think I took some Advil..." I said everything seemed kind of far away like I was getting bad reception. It wasn't registering that the Advil was taking an effect.

"How much did you take? Matt? Matt!?"

"Huh? I dunno...a lot...I think....." My mind trailed off my vision dying.

"Matt!! I'm calling 911. Hold on buddy. I'll be over soon. Just don't go anywhere. Hold on...." That was the last thing I heard as everything went black.

  
  
  
  


Author's Note: This is my first real Digimon fic! Yay! This is not a Mary Sue either like most of my stories. Hey I only write the mary sue stories because I find them easier to write. Also the chapters after this will not be in first person. Yay! Sorry for any viewpoint mistakes I have a bad habit of switching tenses. Please R/R! Thankies! ^_^


	2. Waking to a dream

I Don't Give A Damn About You

Chapter 2 

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or Tai or Yama......*Sob* I don't own....*Cries hysterically*

Taichi held his head in his hands as he stared at the plain hospital wall. His mind wheeling with the events of that night. Just a couple hours ago it had been a perfectly normal night. Then Matt had called after taking a bottle of Advil because his girlfriend had dumped him. Tai had been in a panic calling 911 on his cell phone while listening to Matt''s faint breathing on the other line.

The paramedics had come after what had felt like hours, though he was told it was only around seven minutes. Then his worried mother, sister, and he had driven to the hospital where they had been waiting ever since. Matt had gotten his stomach pumped as soon as they had arrived but Tai still hadn't been able to see his friend yet. So here he still sat worried as ever, gnawing on his lip, and waiting for the doctor to say he could see Matt.

He looked up as doctor came up to the three of them. "Are you three members of his family?" He asked.

"No-" Tai said before he was interrupted.

"Do you know where his immediate family is?" He asked calmly. Tai wanted to rip his head off. If he said he couldn't see Matt because he wasn't family Tai had a feeling he might but before any such thing happened his mom spoke up.

"Hello. My name is Mrs. Kamiya. His mother and younger brother are both on their way and his father is on a business trip. So right now none of his family are here. We are close friends." She said her eyes set hard and determined.

"Alright. He is staying in room 104 just down there." He said pointing down the hall to the right. Tai dashed down the hall to the door marked 104. He pushed it open slowing down his pace as he walked more cautiously to the bed. Thankfully he wasn't hooked up too much except for an IV needle in his arm and a heart monitor which was beeping steadily.

"Matt?" He asked as he stepped up next to the bed where Matt lay, eyes closed.

"Tai?" He asked looking up at the brown haired boy. Tai could see the teary shine in Matt's eyes as he sat up on his pillows. Tai stood there for a moment unsure of what to do before he reached down pulling Matt into a hug. He felt him shaking against him as Matt cried tears he'd been holding back. Tai''s shoulder began to feel damp as he sat down on the bed holding Matt close.

"She...She just said that she didn't want...she didn't want to be with me anymore," He cried into Tai's shirt between sobs.

"It's okay. It's okay. She's just an insensitive bitch. She was just too dumb to see how great a guy she had." He whispered. Tai saw his mom, Kari, Ms.Ishida, and T.K. walk back outside seeing that Matt might want some privacy.

"I don't know what went wrong. I don't know……I don't know…….." He cried as Tai held him whispering comforting things into his ear. 

"Anyone would want to be with you. You're funny, nice, you have good looks, and you're just great all around." Tai said as Matt pulled back to see if he was just saying that. He looked at his face and Tai let him see the absolute truth in his chocolate brown eyes. 

"You……you really mean that?" He said surprise written across his face. 

"Yeah. I really do. You deserve so much better than her." Tai said. Matt sat up away from him a small smile on his face as he saw Tai's sincerity. He wiped away his tears on the sleeve of his hospital gown before giving him a firm hug and a whispered Thanks. 

"It was nothing. You really are all those things and deserve someone better." Tai whispered back returning the hug. 

"Hey, Do you know where everyone else is?" He asked sniffling a little bit. Tai laughed a little as he told him they were waiting outside. 

"Hey before I tell them to come in…… Promise not to do that again. Okay?" He said the seriousness of the question written in his every feature. 

"Yeah. I promise." He said with a weak smile. 

"I'll go get everyone." Tai turned and opened the door nodding for the others to come inside. Matt''s mom was the first inside as she fussed over him. Making him promise the same thing Tai had and kissing and hugging him but his shields and masks were in place again. He brushed the situation off like it was no big deal. 

Tai stayed back letting T.K. and his mom have their little reunion. Then Kari and Tai's mom passed by him giving him each a hug on the way to Matt''s bed where they each showed their worry as well. It was strange seeing him perfectly normal and "cool" like usual when only a moment ago he''d been a completely broken soul. 

Finally Tai came forward as well hugging him and pretending that nothing had just happened and everything was alright. 

"Well, the doctor said you can come home tonight but you''re under house arrest and someone will be with you at all times." She said giving him a look that said 'don't argue and don't even think of trying to get out of it.' It was nice for Tai to know that they did realize that this was serious even if they didn't show it too much. 

"I can come over too and help keep him company so you guys can get some sleep." Tai said. She turned looking like she was about to say something like they would be fine, but then she saw his need to be their for Matt and determination to help in anyway possible. She just said,"Thanks Tai. Your help would be welcome." Though he wasn't so sure it was just for coming over, more likely for his strong friendship and bond with Matt and how much he cared about him. 

"I'm going to get you signed out of here and then will go to my house. You can stay in the guest bedroom and Tai can stay with you. We can drag in a recliner chair." She said before leaving to go find his doctor. She returned several minutes later with Matt's clothes and several sheets of documents. After he'd changed into a pair of blue jeans, sneakers, and a dark turtle neck they were off. Tai said goodbye to his mom and sister as they left and about a half an hour later they were there. 

The house was a nice size for two people, though not big. It had three bedrooms and one bathroom and a medium sized kitchen and living room. The first two rooms were T.K.'s and his mom's and the last was a sort of guest bedroom and library. It was small, one wall was entirely covered by a bookshelf, and the rest of the room was taken up by the bed. 

Together, TK., Tai, and Mrs. Ishida, barely managed to squeeze the brown recliner from the living room into a corner. Once everything was settled they both said goodnight leaving Tai and Matt alone. 

"Night Tai." Matt mumbled as he rolled over. Tai stared at Matt's form waiting as his breathing slowed and became heavy with sleep before getting up and turning on the small reading light on the arm of his chair. He pulled a book from the shelf titled "Colora Realis" and flipped open to the first page. It was a science fiction story of some kind though he was barely skimming it and not taking any of it in.

Tai sat for a couple more hours staring at the book while mulling through the nights events and his thoughts. As he was turning to look at the clock for the fortieth time that hour he noticed that Matt was shaking. It was so slight he might have missed it except there was a slight whimpering sound like someone trying to not cry, and failing.

He got up from the recliner and tip-toed over to the side of the bed.

"Matt?" Tai questioned though it was more letting Matt know he was there. Tai saw his body stiffen slightly as he realized he'd been caught crying. He didn't move and Tai could tell he was trying to pretend he was sleeping. As he got closer he could see the tear stains down his friend's cheeks and a wet spot on his pillow. 

"Matt, Are...ummm...Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked changing his question as he figured Matt was not okay.

"No." Matt said barely holding back further tears. He was determined not to break down again in front of Tai since Tai probably already thought he was pretty pathetic from earlier.

"Matt, It's okay you know...I mean it hurts a lot when you get dumped and after almost a year it must be even worse...I just want to help you. I hate to see you hurting this much." Tai said a little embarrassed by the last part. Matt looked up to see Tai with a worried expression on his face, his eyes filled with a caring that Matt wasn't used to.

Matt gave a deep swallow as he tried to gain some control of his tears and urge to break down and start sobbing uncontrollably. "It's just...It's hard..." He said grasping for words to describe his pain and the ability to talk about it. A sob broke free of his control and a couple tears started to fall down his cheeks. Tai leaned forward brushing Matt's tears away and pulling him closely as Matt's fragile control began to fall apart. More sobs fell from his lips as Tai laid him down on his pillow coming down to lay beside him. He leaned further into Tai as Tai wrapped his arms around him. 

Matt's tears fell faster and faster and he choked out his pain in sob after sob. Croaking out words as he tried to explain to his closest friend the utter despair that seemed to be enveloping him. After almost an hour he had calmed and he was down to just hiccuping every once and awhile. 

"Thanks Tai This means a lot to me." Matt whispered quietly as he drifted off to sleep still wrapped up in Tai's arms.

"What are friends for..." Tai replied with a yawn before drifting off to sleep pulling Matt a little closer.

  
  


Author's Note: *sniff sniff* Wow. That was long enough for the second chappie I hope? Thanks Everyone who reviewed! It just makes me happy and it helps to kill that evil writers block. So remember Reviewing = Faster Writing! Thanks Again! Please R/R! ^_^

  
  
  
  



	3. Wishing he did

I Don't Give A Damn About You

Chapter 3

  
  


KEY: thoughts 

  
  


Tai awoke to sunlight slipping in through the blinds as he groaned. He forced his eyes slowly open with a yawn. As he opened his eyes he noticed his strange surroundings and a certain someone's closed eyes right in front of his own. Golden hairs splayed across the pillow they shared and hung delicately over the side of Matt's face moving with each breath. Tai gasped in panic at the strange thoughts normally reserved for girls that flashed through his mind as he realized how close Matt was snuggling into him. He pulled back his own arms that had been wrapped around Matt's sleeping form and almost slipped of the bed.

Matt gave a small tired moan as he opens his own eyes. Tai watched as Matt, looking exhausted and slightly rumpled, opens his own deep blue azure eyes. He's so beautiful. Tai stared as Matt ran his hand through his golden hair that seemed to glow in the fractured sunlight giving a small tired smile to Tai as he watched him from his spot on the pillow. Wait...beautiful? This is Matt I'm talking about. He gave a more nervous smile to Matt's which was beginning to look like a sexy grin to Tai. Wow. He has a nice smile. Oh God. What was happening to him? Tai thought. 

Matt laid his back down onto the pillow shrugging the blanket over his head as he wished he hadn't woken up.

"What time is it?" He mumbled from beneath his blanket sanctuary. Tai looked around the room till his eyes fell upon a black digital clock with neon green numbers.

"It's almost one pm." Tai said a little shocked at first, as he usually woke up early even on weekends. A groan was heard from the pillow as Matt slid his eyes just over the edge of the comforter checking the clock. It's flashing green letters seemed to mock him as he re-submerged. Thinking back to last night and how late it had been though, it made sense to Tai.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Tai asked. An unintelligible mumble was his only answer for several minutes until Matt pulled the blankets down under arms. He stared sleepily at the ceiling as he replied, "That's okay. I could just use a little food."

"Whatcha' want?" 

"I dunno."

Tai watched Matt for awhile as he seemed lost in thought and Tai didn't want to interrupt. Finally even Tai could feel some tension and sadness building in the air. He really thought Matt should have some time to feel a little better and have a break before he broke down again, so he started naming off some things he could make.

"Well.... I can make toast, eggs, hash browns, pancakes, potatoes, I think we have fruit, and then there's more lunch type food. Any ideas?" Tai questioned trying to lighten the bleak air.

"I dunno." He said again. This Tai thought was too close for comfort to depression this soon after last night. 

"Come on" He said as he slowly pulled Matt's slack form into the empty kitchen. He started pulling out cooking supplies deciding that maybe if Matt smelled food his stomach might take over. The last thing Tai wanted was for him to starve himself.

"Well how about I make some pancakes, toast, eggs and hash browns. I could chop up some fruit too?" Tai said turning the last sentence into a question.

"Whatever." He said nonchalantly pulling out his "cool" act. I gave a sad shake of my head, which he didn't notice, as I gathered the last of my food supplies. After around 20 minutes there was a platter of pancakes in the center of the table, a piece of toast on each of their plates, a pan of scrambled eggs and hash browns, and each of them had a small bowl of fruit.

Matt stared at his food feeling too depressed to feel hungry though a little voice in the back of his mind kept whispering that he was hungry and needed to eat but he pushed it aside. He pushed food around his plate looking pointedly uninterested. Tai getting worried was too busy watching Matt shoving around his food to eat much of his own.

"I think I'll just go back to bed. I'm not really hungry." He said pushing out his chair.

"Matt, You should eat something the doctor said you need to eat and drink lots. You lost a lot of blood." Tai said his voice becoming nearly a whisper at the last part. Matt shot him a glare and continued towards the room. Tai got up abruptly and turned Matt around by his arm his glare mirroring Matt's.

"Matt I will not let you hurt yourself again whether it's through starving yourself or cutting. I won't..." He broke off his glare losing a little of it's former strength. They stood and glared for several more minutes before finally Matt heaved a sigh and Tai dragged him back to the table. Tai waited watching him as he stared at his food as if it were the size of a basketball and he was supposed to swallow it. After awhile of staring at Matt intently willing him to eat, Tai sighed.

Matt's sigh echoed Tai's as he finally took a bite out of his toast. After chewing on it and forcing a swallow he looked back at Tai. Tai continued to give him a disapproving look until Matt had eaten almost half the plate and was looking slightly miserable. 

Tai let up and said, "Want to sleep? You look a little tired." Matt gave a sad smile and stood up disappearing into the guestroom. Tai watched him disappear around the corner wanting to follow him but also knowing he could leave his huge cooking mess behind. Torn he finally decided on putting away the food and putting the dishes in the sink.

Matt lay on the soft mattress on top of the rumbled comforter staring off into space through the ceiling. His heart felt like a mass of beating pain. His stomach feeling like an endless void of misery. His head felt like a painting that had been in the rain for a couple hours. He could barely tell what he was feeling through this numbing void-ness that seemed to be consuming him.

Suddenly the radio turned on and he turned nonchalantly toward it. He realized the alarm had gone off. The lyrics blared echoing off his skull.

  
  


"Scared the lights will turn green,

You'll have to be seen,

You'll be like anybody else.

Scared the lights will turn red,

You're stuck in your head,

Your scared to commit to even her,

How you gonna make it through...."

  
  


The line was never finished as Tai slammed it off. Matt was staring with glazed over eyes at the blank wall. Tai sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

"Matt?" He asked quietly but Matt continued staring as if he hadn't heard him.

"Matt??" He reached down shaking Matt's shoulder lightly. Matt had no reaction even as Tai shook him more forcefully. 

"Matt?!?" Tai said fear in voice. A single tear rolled down Matt's cheek as he stared off somewhere no one else could see.

"Matt? Matt... I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry..." Tai held onto Matt's limp form as Matt relived memory after memory that only he could see.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you... That I didn't see it... I didn't know... I... I..." He trailed off several tears trailing down his own cheeks. 

"I'm sorry..." Matt echoed, his voice empty sounding like a hollow echo of Tai's own lament. Tai wished with all his heart that he could make Matt's pain go away or that Matt would really open up to him because he had only done it when he completely broke down and as soon as it was over he was back behind his mask and barriers that hid his true self from the world.

Matt watched Tai realizing for the first time how much he cared for Tai. More than I should love my best friend....or any guy. He was far too exhausted in more ways than one to deny his hidden feelings for Tai. Besides why would he like a cry baby like me who's falling apart? He could never like me that way. It brought him closer to tears but instead of falling apart he let the void in stomach numb him all over, drifting in and out of his mind like an ocean tide. 

  
  


Authors Note-(sorry it's long, skip to the end if it's too long for you)-

  
  


Catgirl: Aaaaaand End Really Long Scene! Yay! The third chapter is done. I hope it's not too long because I was on a streak and couldn't find a good place to cut off the chapter. I also hope it didn't suck too much or drag a lot. It will probably be a REALLY long time till I update again because of school. I have been super busy and it's only getting worse. By the way, I need Advice! I want to know what my loyal fans want to happen next!

Llana: Like you have any fans. *scoffs*

Catgirl: Well, I could have a couple...maybe?? *eyes fill with tears*

Llana: *rolls eyes* *exasperated sigh* Maybe...

Catgirl: *rabid fan ferret squeal* I have Fans!!! Erm..anyway....I need help! Here's a notice to tell you what I would like you to help me with:

!NOTICE!: When you R/R if you could PLEASE let me know:

-Whether Matt should have an eating disorder or not. I pretty sure it's kind of overused...so let me know.

-Also if you have any suggestions on what should happen next or what you want to see in the story.

-Where should I go with the story?

-Should any other Digidestined characters appear in the story?

PLEASE R/R and Heeeeeeelp Meeee! THANKIES!

  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. So close and yet

I Don't Give A Damn About You

Chapter 4

  
  


KEY: thoughts

Matt finally awoke, after falling asleep from emotional exhaustion, to find Tai petting his hair back from his face absent-mindedly as he stared off into space. A tear escaped from Matt's eyes before he could slam them shut at how he was so close to Tai so close to what he wanted and yet farther than ever before.

Tai at this very same moment was thinking about what to say to Matt when he woke up because he refused to let Matt shove his feelings away and not fully tell Tai what he was feeling. Tai was fully determined on helping Matt feel better and get through this, he was also trying to ignore lingering thoughts about that blonde blue eyed boy that were meant for girls. Weren't They? But even if they weren't, Matt is obviously straight. There's no way. Tai blinked away a couple tears that were forming and tried to concentrate on helping Matt feel better and not himself.

He looked down to see a tear drop onto the blankets as Matt reopened his eyes to see Tai staring down at him. He had stopped brushing back his hair and, if Matt had been paying attention he would have noticed the light blush across Tai's cheeks embarrassed at being caught doing so.

Matt sat up quickly mumbling something about going to the bathroom when Tai caught his arm spinning him around. Matt looked wide eyed at Tai's determined and set expression.

"Matt. Please tell me what your going through. It's not going to just go away. Please let me help you."

"You can't help me Tai. You just can't understand. No one can." Matt retorted his expression dark and serious.

"Matt. I've been dumped before, I've been depressed before,.... Why can't you really let me in?" Tai asked waiting with bated breath for the answer.

"Tai...I...I...can't...I'm alone...I thought...I thought....maybe...." Unable to finish and hold back his tears as his lip began to tremble. He shrugged angrily at his own weakness, wishing he could sink through the carpet. I'm such a cry baby. Why do I have to be so pathetic, especially in front of Tai.

"Matt, Your not alone! I'm here for you. I always will be. I want to help you and to-to take away your pain. But I can't unless you let me get close enough to help you." Tai said grabbing Matt's shoulder's firmly and looking into Matt's cold blue eyes. "Let me help you. Please..."

"I thought...I didn't have to be alone...I thought I could be happy with her...But even she got tired of me...no one understands..." Matt whispered as Tai pulled him into a hug letting him take comfort in his arms. (More comfort than Tai probably suspected, ne?)

"Your not alone. I'm here for you. I'm...I'm your best friend." He said wavering as he realized, truly, how he wanted to be more. With Matt wrapped in his arms, he wanted this to last forever. I wish...I wish he could be mine.

Matt gave in to Tai in that moment. He let himself trust in Tai and open up. One more time. I like him so much and he's always been there for me. He hasn't abandoned me yet. It might last...

What seemed like a lifetime later, though probably more like twenty minutes, they broke apart and each had sorrowful smiles filled with regrets and some happiness on their faces.

"Thank you." They both said at the same time. They both smiled more at this the sorrow in them slipping a little farther away. 

"Tai, thank you. You've made life worth living." Matt said staring deeply into Tai's chocolate brown eyes, wishing he could tell him how much more he felt. Just then the door bell rang. Since his mom and brother were still gone they shared curious expressions before walking over to the doorway.

Tai opened the doorway and a girl flew through it throwing her arms around Matt.

"Matt I was so worried. I'm so sorry. I heard what happened. If I'd known...We can try again..." 

Matt was frozen terror and horror freezing his every thought and movement. His Ex-girlfriend was wrapped around his center telling him how she wanted him back. Tai was ready to rip her head off rage coursing threw his whole body like wild fire.

  
  


Author's Note: Yay. I managed to whip this chappie up right before I got to bed. Hope you like it. Thanks Rei for the idea for the cliffhanger! Hope you like this chapter! Thanks to all who reviewed! R/R PLEASE! I dedicate this chapter to all of my reviewers! Thanks!


	5. Dreaming of another

I Don't Give A Damn

Chapter 5

  
  


Author's Note: There is some Sora-bashing in this chapter. Sorry to any Sora fans and to any Sora/Matt fans but I'm a DIEHARD TAITO FAN!! *Waves little Taito support flags while chanting "Go Taito!"* Now on to Chapter 5!

  
  


Matt stood stiff as a board as his ex-girlfriend hugged him around the middle telling him how she wanted him back. Tai was quick to take action, his shoulders shaking with rage he grabbed Sora's shoulders pulling her away from HIS Matt. (It was only later when the rage boiled down that he realized he'd called him His Matt. ^_^) He stepped in front of Matt blocking him from IT's view.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Tai nearly whispered his eyes mere slivers as he glared at IT.

"What do you mean? He was my boyfriend and if I'd known how much he cared about me I wouldn't have dumped him." She retorted as if this was commonly known fact. Tai had to work very hard at not using his fists to pound her face into a commonly known pulp.

"Get. Out." He hissed venom in every word.

"I don't think this is any of your business. He was My boyfriend and I think he has the right to make his own decision." She said determined. 

At this Tai could take no more. He opened up the door as fast as he could and shoved her, rather forcefully, out. Before she could turn and get back inside he had slammed the door and there was a satisfying crunch as if it had hit something quite solid. He nearly smiled at that before he turned to see Matt white as a ghost seemingly in shock.

Tai walked over and pulled Matt into a comforting embrace though Matt remained very tense.

"Matt, I am so sorry. I'll pound her to a bloody pulp if you want?" He said trying to lighten the mood.

"I...I...I just don't know how to react to it. I never expected that. It's like some twisted nightmare that would be scarier if you could make more sense of it. I feel like I'm just waking up." He said struggling for words to explain how he felt, before saying quietly, "It hurts too."

"We can talk you know. About everything. Share in our miseries. Put it all on the table, if you want to?" He said changing it into a question.

"You think...You think you could just listen?" He asked feeling ashamed and selfish for asking.

"Sure. Where do you want me?" He said giving an encouraging smile to lessen the discomfort plastered across Matt's face.

After several minutes it was decided that they would sit across from each other at the small table beside the kitchen. 

Matt started with how happy he'd been before his parent's had divorced. How he'd missed his little brother T.K. and his mom when he was living with his dad. How his dad was never there and how he'd never felt he'd really had any parents. He'd grown up feeling alone even when he'd made some friends at summer camp, when he'd met Tai and his small group of friends he'd come to hang out with. Then how they'd kept in contact after summer but he still felt like they would leave him at any moment. How they didn't really need him and he was just extra baggage. Then he'd become closer to Sora and they developed into more than friends. How she'd acted like she understood what he was going through and could help him but she never really had.

Finally he ended with how she'd dumped him admitting that she just didn't understand him and that he had too many problems that she couldn't deal with. How she had decided that it was over almost suddenly and then how he'd come home and the pills he'd taken.

"You know the rest." He finally ended almost two hours later. His face was stained with tears and he had a sad smile on his face. Tai's face was nearly a mirror of his own. He had a small trail of dried tears and his smile was a sad one though their was a certain joy at finally having Matt let him into his life fully.

"Thank you, Matt." Tai said sincerely, "Did that help at all?"

"Yeah, it did. I'm so glad you've been here for me. I've never been so close to anyone, not really." He added the last part thinking of Sora. His thoughts drifted to how he wished he could be closer and he suddenly had a hint of pink to his cheeks and couldn't look Tai directly in the eyes.

"You okay?" Tai asked as Matt's eyes continued to avoid his and his cheeks looked flushed.

"Erm...Yeah. It's just a little warm in here. I'll just get some water." Matt said quickly darting into the safety of the kitchen away from Tai's questioning eyes. Tai pondered this strange display wondering if it was some memory of Sora. Or of us? No, that couldn't be it. We're both STRAIGHT. Damn. Why does he have to be so beautiful? Tai gave a groan of defeat just as Matt re-entered the room, his blush fully gone. He shot a questioning look at Tai who was now the one blushing at being caught thinking about Matt.

"So, Matt...What next?"

"I don't know. I don't feel as depressed anymore. Or as alone. And yet I'm farther from what I've wanted than ever before. Why does Tai have to be straight? Why can't I be straight? I don't know anything anymore. I may feel better but I feel so lost." He said with a sigh. Feeling a hint of depression at how much more he liked Tai everyday, as more than a friend.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything seemed so simple before. So straight forward. Now? Now I'm not so sure of what I want or what to do with my life."

"Well just so you know. I'll be with you every step of the way!" Tai said with his normal exuberant smile. Matt smiled back cheered by his friend's enthusiasm.

"How about we watch a movie?" Tai continued.

"Sure. I'll make some popcorn while you choose the movie." Matt said disappearing into the kitchen.

Tai studied the limited selection going through each in his mind. Hmmmm...The Matrix? Nah seen it too many times. Lion King?? What's that doing there? Nevermind. The Whole Nine Yards? I like it! But...there's romance...no need to remind Matt of what he's lost....even if IT was a slimy b**** wh***. Calm Down Tai. Okaaaaaaayy....then what? What has almost no romance? Tai craned his brain for awhile before finally picking Armageddon. Nothing like the world nearly being destroyed to make your problems seem not so big.

Matt walked back into the living room to find Armageddon playing across the tv screen. He plopped down onto the couch next to Tai grabbing a handful of popcorn before passing over the bowl. 

After around an hour of the movie Matt was feeling his eyelids beginning to droop after all that had happened that day he felt emotionally exhausted. Tai wasn't really paying attention to the movie he was lost in thought about all Matt had shared and about his own torrent of emotions revolving around his best friend. In fact he was so lost in thought that he forgot that Matt or the movie were even there until Matt's head slipped from the couch onto his shoulder.

Tai nearly jumped at the sudden contact though Matt was fast asleep. He remained tense for several minutes until he slowly turned towards his best friend and couldn't help but be warmed by how beautiful he looked sleeping peacefully. Like a sleeping angel...ack...can't be thinking that...I'm not...Matt couldn't like me like that anyway. Tai sighed in defeat, his shoulders slumping forward, as he finally gave in to the thought that he might like Matt as more than a friend but that Matt could never return his feelings. 

Matt stirred his eyes fluttering open and they both became extremely aware of how close they were. Matt stiffened and sat up quickly muttering apologies while trying to hide the shade of pink his cheeks were turning.

"Ummm...I'm going to get to bed, kinda tired." Matt said sitting up and walking into his borrowed bedroom.

"Night." Tai called after him.

"Good Night." A muffled reply sounded through the door.

Tai sat thinking on the night's events before realizing Matt's mother's and brother's absence throughout the day. He wandered to the phone and found a number scrawled on it and a note saying: At hospital to finalize fees and to pick up your dad. Be back late.

Well that does explain some things. I'm surprised I hadn't noticed earlier...no wait I'm not. Tai thought. With that thought he walked over to Matt's room and slipped inside. 

Matt was sleeping but it looked unrestful, his eyes darting around beneath his lids and his face was in a slight frown. Tai sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed back his hair with his hand. The soothing feel of Tai's hand soon lured Matt into a calm sleep. Tai soon followed but before that he lay down behind Matt. He gave a sad longing look and wrapped his arms around Matt wishing he could do that same when Matt was awake.

They both secretly dreamed of each other.

  
  


Author's Note: I'm sorry I took sooooo long to write this chapter but hopefully it's length will help make up for it. Hope you liked it and all suggestions and ideas are greatly appreciated. Also disclaimer for chapter three (oops..I know it's a little late.) The song lyrics from the radio are from "Red Light Fever" by Liz Phair. I wrote the very end of this chapter to the song "Fallen" by Sarah Mclachlan. I highly recommend it. Please R/R even if when you review you just say "I read your fanfic." I would really appreciate it. If you've read it then please review. It helps let me know how many people took the time. Thanks to all who have!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Caught?

I Don't Give A Damn

Chapter 6

  
  
  
  


Author's Note: Erm...this chappie is due to writer's block. I may rewrite it later so if it sux please forgive me. Anyway read and review. Flames are welcome for this chapter. R/R.

  
  


Matt awoke to Tai's arms wrapped around him. It was a wonderful feeling and Matt curled as deep as he could into his embrace. He was determined to take advantage of it while Tai was still asleep. He turned over and found his face pressed lightly into Tai's neck. He took a deep breath savoring the smell of Tai. (AN: No he's not a werewolf or anything but everyone has there own scent. It's true! You should try it. ^_^)

"Are you smelling Tai?" A voice asked from the door. Matt wished he could sink into the mattress or die of embarrassment but he could only freeze and wish his brother would think he was asleep.

"I know your awake." Takeru stated matter of factly. O.D.G.. What do I do? stupid little nosy brothers...

"Matt? I don't want to wake Tai so do you want to explain this to me in the living room?" Takeru said a smirk of victory on his face. At last I have my brother right where I want him. I knew I'd catch him someday and force his true feelings towards Tai out of him. Takeru thought.

Matt got up quietly knowing that if he didn't come with his brother that Takeru would tell Tai that he had been smelling him. Besides that being utterly embarrassing he might lose his friend if he suspected anything.

They entered the living room and absolute silence. Matt shifted uncomfortably wondering how mush Takeru had figured out while Takeru simply gave him a questioning look as he waited for an explanation.

"Erm…I wasn't smelling Tai I was yawning and I had rolled over into that weird position."

"Yawning through your nose?" He said with another smirk.

"Uh…well it was more like breathing deeply instead of full out yawning so that I wouldn't end up biting Tai."

"But you wanna bite Tai, Don't ya,?" He said with a knowing smile.

"No! I..erm…"

"Just admit it. You like Tai."

"Of course I do. He's my best friend." Matt said avoiding the question. And actually it feels more like love to me but since he is straight nothing will ever happen so he can't know or it could end our friendship. He thought secretly to himself.

"I mean as more than a friend.."

"I'm not gay."

"Yeah, I know you're straight. You're just attracted to Tai." Takeru said as Matt blushed pink from ears to neck.

"I..I am not…"He argued weakly but he knew he was defeated.

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Tell him?? Are you crazy? He would hate me. I can't lose him as a friend. Besides he's straight." He said looking dejectedly at the table.

"So are you." Takeru said with a shrug, "Some of your friends called the apartment they were gonna stop by sometime today or tomorrow. I have to go though don't want to be late to my basketball practice." He leaned down giving his brother a hug.

"I love you, you know that right? We're all here for you and we all care about you." Takeru said giving a shy smile before walking out the door leaving that encouraging thought in his wake.

Matt decided that he just wanted to crawl back into bed and enjoy Tai's contact before it was gone. He slipped quietly back into the room and carefully slid under one of Tai's arms and onto the bed. What Matt didn't realize was that Tai had been awake during this (not the smelling just the snuggling into Tai). Tai smiled hoping beyond hope (or so he thought) that maybe Matt could feel the same way. He gazed longingly at Matt for a couple moments longer before closing his eyes and snuggling closer to the guy of his dreams.

  
  


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When they finally woke up, permanently, this time they both pretended that it hadn't happened and only snuck gazes when the other had his back turned. They had quite a few messages from their friends asking worriedly how Matt was doing and when would be a good time to stop by (or in Mimi's case "You had me so worried. Never do that again! You better call me back so I can come over soon and make sure with my own eyes that you are getting better mister. Love ya, talk to you later.") Matt and Tai both laughed at how she could be so loud, determined, and sometimes obnoxious and loving at the same time but me was a sweet heart underneath it all.

Matt sighed realizing that he probably wouldn't have too much more time alone with Tai. His stomach of course ruined his sad moment as he blushed and Tai laughed before his own stomach joined in. They both laughed then and set about fixing sandwiches for lunch.

Once they had finished eating they dug up Matt's address book after around 30 minutes of searching and set about returning calls.

Author's Note: So choppy and crappy! This chapter sucks so much but I feel the need to post something! So this is it. Well R/R even if you just tell me it sucks or to try harder on the next chapter. Well hopefully there will be more plot and something will happen. Argh! This is so boring. Anyway if you think I shouldn't have bothered posting it I will rewrite chapter 6 but if no one cares enough I will try to squash my writer's block and post a good chapter. Thanks. R/R Please!


	7. Dreaming Awake

I Don't Give A Damn

Chapter 7

Dreaming Awake

  
  


Author's Note: I was too lazy and figured it wasn't that important so I did not end up writing the actual phone calls. Thanks to Everyone who has reviewed. You can see who has reviewed in my bio! Also to thank all who have reviewed I have created little Taito banners (animated!). If you would like one leave your e-mail in your review so I can send you one! Thankies!

  
  


Matt sighed deeply as he watched the clock on the wall. Tai had left that day after making sure, numerous times, that Matt was alright. He had insisted he was, which was true except for his new romantic interest, and Tai had finally ran off to his soccer practice. He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. He felt so jumpy and nervous. 

Takeru had returned later that night and convinced him to tell Tai of his feelings, after Tai was sleeping and snoring rather loudly. Now though, Matt was sure he had never felt so nervous in his life. He gave one last anxious sigh before walking slowly to the door. He slipped on his shoes trying to breathe deeper to calm himself.

Tai would be heading home in around twenty minutes. He still had a little preparing to do so he headed off in a rush with adrenaline pumping through his veins and butterflies twisting his stomach into knots.

  
  


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Tai high-fived a couple of his team mates and yelled goodbyes to the rest as he headed off to his home. He hummed a tune by the Beatles, that he couldn't remember the name of, under his breath as his thoughts drifted back to a certain someone. He gave a deep sigh breaking up the tune as his thoughts whirred around his head like bees.

Maybe I should stop by his house. See how he's doing? He thought. He then felt suddenly acutely aware of how sweaty he was from soccer practice. He decided to take a quick shower first and then head over. 

With the decision made he ran the rest of the way home and practically jumped into the shower. Once finished he threw on some clothes and was nearly out the door when his stomach gave a roar of protest. He sighed and started fixing himself a sandwich that he would eat on the way there. 

Just as he was almost finished there was a knock on the door. He thought to himself whether someone was supposed to be coming over or if one if his parental units was getting home early. (AN: Parental Units- A silly/weird name that I call my parents sometimes.) He quickly crossed out any possibilities and was suddenly quite worried about Matt. He dashed to the door and threw it open afraid it would be Matt's parents or someone to tell him something terrible had happened. Luckily his dark thoughts were cut off by Matt standing on the doorstep of his apartment looking slightly tense.

He was quick to ask if anything was wrong.

"No...no. I...I'm fine...I just.." He coughed nervously playing with his collar with his left hand, "I..erm...I...Can I come in?"

Tai stared stupidly for a moment then ushered him in with a look of embarassment at not doing that first thing.

"You sure you're okay. You look....nervous." Tai asked feeling slightly nervous himself.

"It..er...I have something kinda important to tell you." He said adjusting his collar again. I was then Tai realized that Matt was keeping something behind his back.

"What's behind your back?" Tai asked curiously.

"Uh...er...It..umm...Can I tell you something first?" He said looking even more nervous. Tai blinked looking over his friend once before taking a seat at the table and waiting anxiously to see what was making Matt so nervous.

"Ummm....look Tai...I..For the past couple weeks I've been dealing with a lot and..erm....I kinda realized something. With you staying around so much and being so...umm..erm..." He paused taking a deep breath, "Tai...I...IthinkIhavefeelingsforyou." Matt stood as still and stiff as he could a blush rising up from his neck to coat his cheeks.

Tai just blinked for a moment not sure if he were dreaming or not. He floundered for words and his thoughts flicked around like balls around a tennis balls on a busy court.

"I...Matt...I..." Tai couldn't find the words as Matt stood like a deer in the headlights waiting for his reaction. Instead Tai did what he did best......jumping into action.

He bit his inner cheek as he closed the distance between them then he leaned in and pressed his lips against Matt's. Matt was almost quicker to react as he pressed his lips firmly against Tai's in return. Hands soon were holding them together as they stumbled backwards until they fell onto the couch. And the flowers that had been hidden behind Matt's back fell to the floor unnoticed.

Matt licked his tongue along Tai's lower lip requesting entrance. Tongues were soon fighting for dominance and hands were slowly removing clothes. They were both gasping for precious air between tongue tangles. Soon shirts were discarded on the floor and both were ready to get rid of the rest but a touch of reason managed to interfere.

"Matt....mmmmm.....I....I think maybe we should go a little slower." Tai said between gasps. Matt rolled off of Tai so they were both nose to nose balanced carefully on the slender couch that could barely hold both of them stretched side by side.

"You're right. I was just so...." He paused searching for words to describe it.

"Caught up in the moment?" Tai put in.

"Yeah. I was just so shocked. I never really thought...."

"I know but at least you were brave enough to tell me..."

"Not really...It's just you've been such a great friend...I didn't want to lie to you or keep something that important from you." Matt trailed off again. He sat up feeling a little embarrassed.

Tai sat up next to him and gave a one arm squeeze and his trademark smile. Then Tai looked over towards the table where a bouquet of flowers lay on the floor and gave a small gasp of surprise, walking over and picking them up with tears welling in his eyes.

"Matt....you...." He simply stared admiringly at the flowers disbelieving that it could possibly be real.

Matt gave a weak smile in return and tried to keep back the couple of tears that clung to his eye lashes. As they slipped down his cheek Tai set the flowers on the table and brushed them away with a slightly worried look mixed in with all the other emotions he was feeling.

"I'm okay. It's....I'm so overwhelmed by everything." He said answering Tai's unvoiced question. Tai gave smile in return and then they both got up in unison walking into Tai's bedroom.

The door shut with a whisper and the lock clinked as it closed. They curled up with each other and dreamed of each other knowing they'd wake up to find him still there. They both fell to sleep smiling.

  
  


~Finished

  
  
  
  


AN: And end scene. Well that's it folks. Sorry it took me so long to finish but I got writer's block near the end of the chapter. I hope you like the ending. I was feeling really sappy when I wrote the end of this so....yeah. Please R/R. Thankies. ^_^ 

  
  


EAN: I'm soooo sorry for those who have read it already. If you ever read this chapter again and it's small changes I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks to all who had reviewed previously but I'm pretty sure your reviews will be gone. I hope that some people review again or for the first time. Thanks to all and sorry for the inconvenience.


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